Many have noticed I have been quiet of late. In fact it has been over 6 months since I started a post let alone finished one.
The reason for this is I haven't really had anything to blog about unless you want to know about daytime TV (It's awful) or the inside of hospitals, GP's and Occupational Health offices (all pretty scary.)
This is because I have been off sick. Initially I didn't think it was anything, in fact the GP was convinced it was that old chestnut 'work related stress' but I knew better than that. Something in my guts told me there was something really wrong and I pushed and pushed to be investigated further. I don't want to be too specific here as I love my anonymity.
Last week I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) (which used to be known as ME) and Fibromyalgia. Frankly I was not surprised. I know my body and I'm not a hypochondriac...for months and months my hands and feet have not been my own, at times I have no strength and objects get dropped, I can bearly hold a pen let alone write with it. Rings do not fit despite the fact there is no swelling (believe me I've been scanned to within an inch of my life!)
Sometimes I can hardly walk for the pain in my ankles...it's like carpel tunnel syndrome but in the tops of my feet.
Some days I wake up and I feel like I've been awake all night, I am tired to the point my eyes can hardly focus and basic things like making breakfast or taking a shower are tough...there is a good explanation of this called 'spoon theory' - the idea that you have limited number of tasks you can manage so you have to sacrifice some if you want to do others.
Some days I wake up and feel sort of OK.....I can get a few things done round the house then I hit the wall.....and it's a massive, nasty painful wall that knocks me over. It leaves me despondent and down, frustrated because I was OK and I want to get things done.
Exercise has been limited and the weight has creeped on slowly....walking is sometimes possible but I get very anxious about getting stuck so, along with the social anxiety I already suffer it leaves me trapped in the house more often than not.
I'm scared to bump into colleagues, I don't want them to see me and I don't want to feel I have to explain myself. Twice I've left the supermarket in a hurry because someone is in there and I don't want to see them....it has made me have panic attacks it has made me sick.
I'm not writing this because I want people to go 'there there' - I've had plenty of that and it's been great, I needed it. Not only my friends and family but the twitter community who have supported me through this using many of their own experiences, you know who you are....
No, the reason I'm writing this is to try and make people more aware that this is happening to teachers, maybe in your school. The ones who get all the bugs and don't really get better. The ones who are always tired, even after the holidays. The ones who seem a bit spaced out....just bear in mind that when they get home after school they might be falling asleep over their marking at 7pm to be found by their partners. That they are stressed out because however hard they try they cannot get everything done because they are so tired they can't concentrate. Maybe, just maybe they need to see a doctor.
For me, I am in the process of 'getting out' after 10 years. I am not well enough to teach full time and part time teaching is frankly a joke, I'm not prepared to spend my days off catching up with what I couldn't do at work - that is my opinion.
I am not prepared to do a sub-standard job, kids deserve better than that.
I don't know what I am going to do, but myself and my partner are willing to take the cut in my pay so I can get better and do something I can manage. Something that means I can have evenings, weekends, maybe even hobbies. It might be with kids, it might not be...right now I have no idea beyond the fact I need to write a CV and try and detail my transferable skills. This blog will probably become a journey into getting out of teaching and into something else....if anyone has any advice or suggestions they would be more than welcome!
Right now I am waiting for a referral to a hospital in London, there are no guarantees I'll be accepted. My GP said it depends on whether the county I live in can afford it. I hope they can help me because at the moment I don't know how to manage this. Therefore I don't know how much work I can manage. I've never been unemployed and frankly we could not afford for me to be so I need to get some information and soon.
I love teaching and I love working with children, at the moment none of this seems very real but it is an exciting and scary time.
All I ask is that you are aware, of your colleagues and teacher friends....don't let them get so far down the road they cannot get back....and remember, people with CFS don't look ill, they don't have obvious symptoms and they may not want to tell you they are struggling. Be aware and keep caring.
I'll try to keep you posted on what I do. It's going to be an interesting time.
Monday, 27 October 2014
Wednesday, 14 May 2014
What have I done? What do I do?
I haven't blogged in ages, this is testament to how busy my new role has been. This is not a moan per se....I know how busy it is at this time of year, I see it in my twitter feed and the faces of my colleagues in all departments.
That said there was no doubt in my mind I was struggling. I was tired, all the time, I couldn't focus to get things done. I got ill, I went back, It didn't get better.
For the last few months I have been battling this constant feeling of tiredness and paranoia. I feel inadequate and spied upon. I can imagine meetings happening in offices about me and how I can't do my job and how they have made a mistake. I totally appreciate how mad that sounds....totally mad, but it's how I feel.
I've tried and tried to get on with it and be normal, putting it down to immense pressure of exams and marking and this and that...but I can't get better. I rested, I slept, but it didn't matter.
I went to the doctor who supported me, I've had a lot of tests but nothing concrete as of yet.
Then this week started. I woke up on Monday and fainted. I haven't been to work since, I can't drive and I hurt. My hands and feet and knees are swollen up and just walking up the stairs leaves me out of breath.
So here I am, stuck at home considering my health and my future. Worst thing is I'm not alone. you don't have to delve too deeply into social media to find other teachers who are broken and signed off.
I'm seriously starting to think about whether I've made a mistake, whether I should be looking for something back in special ed. where I was happy, whether I should be considering leaving teaching and if that's the case what do I do?! There is also the mortgage to consider....still needs to be paid, can't avoid it.
I can't begin to tell you how scared I am about the way I feel, and how the future is going to pan out. I want to be happy in whatever role I choose to do, I don't want to feel spied on or judged in this 'negative way.'
I just want to be me again. Whatever that means.
That said there was no doubt in my mind I was struggling. I was tired, all the time, I couldn't focus to get things done. I got ill, I went back, It didn't get better.
For the last few months I have been battling this constant feeling of tiredness and paranoia. I feel inadequate and spied upon. I can imagine meetings happening in offices about me and how I can't do my job and how they have made a mistake. I totally appreciate how mad that sounds....totally mad, but it's how I feel.
I've tried and tried to get on with it and be normal, putting it down to immense pressure of exams and marking and this and that...but I can't get better. I rested, I slept, but it didn't matter.
I went to the doctor who supported me, I've had a lot of tests but nothing concrete as of yet.
Then this week started. I woke up on Monday and fainted. I haven't been to work since, I can't drive and I hurt. My hands and feet and knees are swollen up and just walking up the stairs leaves me out of breath.
So here I am, stuck at home considering my health and my future. Worst thing is I'm not alone. you don't have to delve too deeply into social media to find other teachers who are broken and signed off.
I'm seriously starting to think about whether I've made a mistake, whether I should be looking for something back in special ed. where I was happy, whether I should be considering leaving teaching and if that's the case what do I do?! There is also the mortgage to consider....still needs to be paid, can't avoid it.
I can't begin to tell you how scared I am about the way I feel, and how the future is going to pan out. I want to be happy in whatever role I choose to do, I don't want to feel spied on or judged in this 'negative way.'
I just want to be me again. Whatever that means.
Friday, 7 February 2014
A month back in mainstream....
Stricken with flu as I am I cannot stop my brain working so in a bid to calm it down I said a while ago I would blog about my first month back in mainstream after nearly 4 years in the special education sector. So this will be a bit of a brain dump but maybe someone will come back to me with some practical suggestions which won't involve me reading a book - I haven't got time!
Overall it is definitely the right decision to move back. I have noticed I am calmer at home, less anxious, tearful and not so exhausted. That's not to say I'm not working a lot of hours, or that the job is any less hard....it's just less physical to start with! So a big plus to start with as I am generally looking and feeling better, I may even have lost a few pounds....
I've taken on some really difficult classes, a mixture of middle - low set Key Stage 4 for whom science is a genuine struggle, and some Key Stage 3 who were never really sorted by their previous teacher and allowed to run riot. None of the group's behaviour is acceptable in my mind though a couple are getting there, so I am still working on basic classroom routines and expectations both of work and behaviour. I really want them to work in their lessons to the best of their ability and some are really starting to try much harder. I've got the 'nemesis group' like everyone else which will take longer...but the school are happy with the improvement so far so I guess I have to start worrying about it.
I'm sure if I stay put, stay consistent and keep applying the school behaviour system it will get better in time.
I want to change the universe, but I can't in a month....give it a year!
What I had forgotten was all the routines and marking. The main one I'm struggling with if I'm honest is homework. Coming from the special sector where homework is kind of 'left' and not concerned with (as to be honest it's better that they actually come to school in the first place and attend lessons!)
I'm finding myself in that classic situation where I set homework then forget to collect it. Or forget to set it as I'm caught up in the lesson....lol
Now I'm sure in time I will get better at this, I've drawn up a timetable I just need to learn it and start to identify those that are simply not doing their homework. How do other teachers do it? Do you have a folder for each class? An in-tray? How do you manage this influx of paper!
The other thing that has surprised me is how slow some of the kids work....I got more out of some of my BESD boys than some of my middle ability Year 10 and 11 do now. Now I'm sure this is an expectations thing and they will pick up the pace eventually (kicking and screaming) but it's really eye opening for me. Linked in with this is the apparent 'spoon feeding' they have been exposed to. Many are far too reliant on me which is a sign of their insecurities and I am battling with them to become more independent over time. There is a lot of apathy towards science, because in the kid's own words "It's effort" so I am trying to make it easier for them which is proving tough as they are not willing to try. I get so frustrated with them because if they actually tried they could do it. I know I shouldn't get frustrated but I do....I'm hoping that in time Year 9 and 10 may come round, it's back to that whole change the world thing again isn't it?!
I've also forgotten what it is like to have a tutor group. The one I have inherited are great actually, they seem to have taken to me in the most part but getting them to complete the provided activities is proving tough as they just want to sit and chat....
I did my first observation of another teacher at my new job this week. I was pretty confident with my judgement as was the member of SLT who joined me but what I struggled with was the justification which made me nervous, I really felt put on the spot and need to trust myself more. I know the Ofsted definitions of lessons inside and out but I rely on my guts, that gut feeling you get when it is a good lesson, or not. What I need to do is work on is my questioning of the kids within the lessons when carrying out an observation which will come with time and how to use the data effectively.
I also had an observation myself which, I hope was good. I'm sure I will find out in due course.
After half term we have a student teacher starting too and I am to be her mentor. I'm really looking forward to doing it and as well as being good for them I hope it is good for me too. It will give me chance to work on my lesson obseration skills as well as my feedback skills.
If I could write a list of things I think would help it would go like this:
So over to you Twitter folk. Any ideas gratefully received though I fully appreciate there are no quick fixes and I need to keep on keeping on.
Who knows? Maybe I will change my own little universe bit by bit. :)
Overall it is definitely the right decision to move back. I have noticed I am calmer at home, less anxious, tearful and not so exhausted. That's not to say I'm not working a lot of hours, or that the job is any less hard....it's just less physical to start with! So a big plus to start with as I am generally looking and feeling better, I may even have lost a few pounds....
I've taken on some really difficult classes, a mixture of middle - low set Key Stage 4 for whom science is a genuine struggle, and some Key Stage 3 who were never really sorted by their previous teacher and allowed to run riot. None of the group's behaviour is acceptable in my mind though a couple are getting there, so I am still working on basic classroom routines and expectations both of work and behaviour. I really want them to work in their lessons to the best of their ability and some are really starting to try much harder. I've got the 'nemesis group' like everyone else which will take longer...but the school are happy with the improvement so far so I guess I have to start worrying about it.
I'm sure if I stay put, stay consistent and keep applying the school behaviour system it will get better in time.
I want to change the universe, but I can't in a month....give it a year!
What I had forgotten was all the routines and marking. The main one I'm struggling with if I'm honest is homework. Coming from the special sector where homework is kind of 'left' and not concerned with (as to be honest it's better that they actually come to school in the first place and attend lessons!)
I'm finding myself in that classic situation where I set homework then forget to collect it. Or forget to set it as I'm caught up in the lesson....lol
Now I'm sure in time I will get better at this, I've drawn up a timetable I just need to learn it and start to identify those that are simply not doing their homework. How do other teachers do it? Do you have a folder for each class? An in-tray? How do you manage this influx of paper!
The other thing that has surprised me is how slow some of the kids work....I got more out of some of my BESD boys than some of my middle ability Year 10 and 11 do now. Now I'm sure this is an expectations thing and they will pick up the pace eventually (kicking and screaming) but it's really eye opening for me. Linked in with this is the apparent 'spoon feeding' they have been exposed to. Many are far too reliant on me which is a sign of their insecurities and I am battling with them to become more independent over time. There is a lot of apathy towards science, because in the kid's own words "It's effort" so I am trying to make it easier for them which is proving tough as they are not willing to try. I get so frustrated with them because if they actually tried they could do it. I know I shouldn't get frustrated but I do....I'm hoping that in time Year 9 and 10 may come round, it's back to that whole change the world thing again isn't it?!
I've also forgotten what it is like to have a tutor group. The one I have inherited are great actually, they seem to have taken to me in the most part but getting them to complete the provided activities is proving tough as they just want to sit and chat....
I did my first observation of another teacher at my new job this week. I was pretty confident with my judgement as was the member of SLT who joined me but what I struggled with was the justification which made me nervous, I really felt put on the spot and need to trust myself more. I know the Ofsted definitions of lessons inside and out but I rely on my guts, that gut feeling you get when it is a good lesson, or not. What I need to do is work on is my questioning of the kids within the lessons when carrying out an observation which will come with time and how to use the data effectively.
I also had an observation myself which, I hope was good. I'm sure I will find out in due course.
After half term we have a student teacher starting too and I am to be her mentor. I'm really looking forward to doing it and as well as being good for them I hope it is good for me too. It will give me chance to work on my lesson obseration skills as well as my feedback skills.
If I could write a list of things I think would help it would go like this:
- Resources for making science seem easier for middle ability kids without being 'babyish'.
- Ideas for helping middle set Year 10/11 become more confident, independent individuals and encourage them to revise and actually care about their science GCSEs
- Resources for 6 mark question marking for Core and Additional Science (and other exam technique ideas really) to help them know how to answer exam questions
- Ideas for marking quickly but effectively including homework
- 2 inspiring science displays and other nice things to go on the walls (to hide the fading paint and make the place look nice)
- Bits and pieces to try with my tutor group, ideally literacy/numeracy based but could be pictures to stimulate discussion, news, just ways to use their time more effectively.
- Ways to keep Year 7 in their seats which do not involve Superglue or bungee cords :)
- Anything to do with the new Key Stage 3 curriculum development. I've got some ideas but don't want to reinvent the wheel so to speak.
So over to you Twitter folk. Any ideas gratefully received though I fully appreciate there are no quick fixes and I need to keep on keeping on.
Who knows? Maybe I will change my own little universe bit by bit. :)
Monday, 27 January 2014
#blogsync Dear Mr. Hunt
Here for what it is worth is my contribution to this month's #blogsync...an open letter to Mr Hunt MP. All other blogs can be found here
Dear Mr. Hunt,
I promise you I will try not to sound tired, drained or exhausted but as I'm sure many other blogs have revealed to you, the going is tough in schools and getting tougher.
I've been teaching for nearly 10 years and am in my 4th job and the last year has been the worst year of my teaching career. I consider myself to be a dedicated teacher, a good teacher, someone who is reliable and who gets the job done pretty much whatever it takes.
What I want to do though is tell you a story. A story about why I started a new job 3 weeks ago and why the job I loved became too much to bear.
I took my previous job at a special school for boys with behavioural, emotional and social difficulties for many reasons but they were mostly the classic teacher reasons. I wanted to make a difference and I wanted those boys to see the value in science. There was no curriculum to speak of so I wrote one, the room was a mess so I changed it round, brightened it up as best I could and with a little help got some new furniture and blinds for the windows. I did everything I could to make that room a different space and the lessons as engaging as I could.
All was well, it was hard work as I'm sure you can imagine working with 50 or so very difficult young men everyday and most days I went home exhausted but happy knowing that in a small way I was making a difference to them, even just by being there.
Then the school decided to become an academy within a well known chain.
This is where things started to go wrong. The supportive leadership became paranoid spies from somewhere else, it was like they had been invaded. Everything I did was so say good but never enough according to 'academy paperwork' but we were never given time or support to make it better. We were observed to within an inch of our lives, well above union guidelines but there was nothing anyone could do about it. Any complaint, question or query was seen as a call to war. I was accused of being negative, of being a trouble maker all because I asked a question of a new 'idea' that the head had come up with that day. What they didn't realise was how impossible it all was. Policies and how the school 'worked' changed daily, sometimes hourly depending on who was making the decisions, it was so inconsistent - the one thing you don't need a special school to be. The school went from being 'child and welfare focussed' (it was a special school after all) to suddenly being all about progress and targets and levels. The kids didn't understand what was happening and neither did we. As teachers, as human beings we all felt for these kids as they had no idea what was happening to them and it was difficult to watch many of them fight against it.
Then there was the issue of the budget. Well there wasn't much to start with but suddenly there was none, in fact I'm pretty sure we owed money. I remember going to the bursar pleading for £40 for some chemicals for the GCSE coursework and her wincing. It was awful.
I knew I wasn't well and it took a long time to face up to it. By the time I went to the doctor I'd piled on about 3 stone and cried every morning and night and sometimes at school. A 'school day' was 12 hours minimum and I was working evenings and weekends too. It put strain on my relationship and on friendships some of which are still being repaired.
The doctor diagnosed me with stress anxiety and depression and I have taken medication ever since. I'm sure you will agree that it should not be necessary to be medicated to work but this is the case for a lot of teachers I know I am not the only one!
I can't even really remember what the 'straw that broke the camel's back was' if I'm honest....those last few months were so tiring and dreadful I tend to blank it. The kid's behaviour deteriorated so badly due to the undue pressure they were being put under that we were being hit, kicked and spat at pretty much daily. Despite this the demand for 'levelled work' and 'evidence of progress' never went away - though how you complete levelled work with a child that is excluded I will never know.
It was pointed out by a colleague to the leadership team that people, good people would leave but they did nothing to stop it or make it better. There was no opportunity for career progression, responsibility or even by the end recognition. It did not matter what I said or did anymore.
So I asked about, looked about and made a difficult decision to go back into mainstream teaching. Something I actually never thought I would do and 3 weeks in I feel so much better. Do not get me wrong, it is still hard work! In myself I feel less 'dumped on from a great height' and can do my job - working with kids to help them achieve their best.
The issue, and the point of me writing this Mr Hunt is this. Mr Gove has no due regard for teacher's mental health and welfare. I'm sure if you entered into conversation with GP's, unions and the Teacher Support Network they would tell you that over the last 3 years they have seen an increase in teachers coming to them with a variety of stress related and anxiety issues.
Mr Gove needs to realise that the rate of change is unsustainable if effective curricula are to be introduced. Last time we did this, for science in 2006 there was a raft of support from exam boards and publishers to make sure that the course was implemented in the right way. There is no support or guidance this time, and even if there was most schools could not afford it.
I am in charge of writing and implementing the new Key Stage 3 curriculum for science at my school ready for teaching to Year 7 in September of this year. Do you want to know where I am getting my support and help from. My teacher colleagues on Twitter. Yes Mr Hunt you heard right Twitter.
Do you not agree that we as teachers, we who deliver the courses and have done for years are the experts here?
Maybe if you were in charge of this you would listen to us, put some experienced teachers and experts back in charge of education in this country and leave the politics out of it. The future of this country, the future generations do not deserve to have their education treated as it is now, as a hot potato for some ex-journalist and other windbags to throw around as if it does not matter. It matters to us, otherwise we would not give up our time and energy to write to you about it.
Also, for the record, I am a Chartered Science Teacher (CSciTeach) with the Association of Science Education. Surely this means I am licensed to teach? I really don't need another hoop to jump through....
Kind Regards
@specialsciteach
Tuesday, 31 December 2013
#Nurture1314
I haven't blogged for a while, I'm a bit out of practice. Work (as many of you know) has been terrible but I am finally 'out of there' and starting a new job on the 6th of January. I am relieved, happy, sad and terrified all rolled into one! At the time it was best to keep myself to myself and not blog about things that were getting so awful....I wasn't sure it would help and sympathy wasn't what I needed. I concentrated on getting the new role and it paid off.
So here is my bash at #Nurture1314 as suggested by @ChocoTzar...I did one last year so I guess a good place to start is there....with the things I said I would do.
Fit and slim....no (failed due to a long standing back issue)
Care less about others and what they think......check. For now at least.
Worry less and be a leader....getting there
Enjoy vegetables....work in progress
Find a NSEW Speaker.....done!
Holiday.....check!
Balance better.....hope to in the new role
Have faith....check!
Attend a teachmeet....oh yes!
Career thoughts.....a plan is formulating
Hobbies....yes!
Besties....not really but we talk more on the phone
CSciTeach......yes!
So I had a reasonably successful 2013 it would appear, I set out to achieve some things and managed 8 completely! I'm quite pleased really, having got lost in the mire of a difficult school in a difficult situation it was totally lost on me what I have actually achieved. I sit here with a smile ready to do it all over again.
So here goes the lists:
13 Great things in 2013 in no particular chronological order
1. Buying a house! Oh yes we did! Not moved in yet but we should be completing and exchanging in the next few weeks. It's a proper project house which will be fun. Can't wait to get painting!
2. Accepting a new challenge. After nearly 4 years working in the SEN sector which I have absolutely loved and would recommend to anyone (if you want to know whether you can teach or not, work in a BESD school - they vote with their feet!) it was time to say goodbye and accept a new challenge. I was approached by a mainstream school head of science who I know well who was desperate for a 2i/c who could do the job. She said did I fancy it and I said yes without too much hesitation. It's going to be a real challenge to adjust back into mainstream life (lots of kids, big classes, girls, marking lots) but I think it will be worth it and is the right decision for me to move into the future.
3.Ofsted - back in January I was Ofsteded all by myself as they came and did a subject survey of science at my school. Terrifying but rewarding for me. I was told I, and the department was good with outstanding features and the work I did would be featured in Ofsted's national review of science in special schools. A year down the line and I have seen no report however I blogged about the experience at the time so you can read for yourselves.
4. CSciTeach and ASE website. As a result of going to the ASE Conference in January I applied for CSciTeach though was not sure I would get it....but I did! I've just filled in my paperwork in order to keep it so fingers crossed. My new role will also provide plenty of evidence for this once I get started! I was also contacted by the ASE about some of my literacy blog being used on their website in the new members area....still waiting to hear about this but it is happening!
5. Teachmeet Clevedon - was awesome! It was great to see so many people there and meet many twitter people face to face. Can't wait to see @hrogerson, @KDWScience @lizdudley and many others again. On top of that the keynote was delivered by @HYWEL_ROBERTS who is brilliant, if you haven't read his 'Ooops' book yet where have you been?!?!?
6. Working with another school was a success this year. Through the academy chain of my special school I did some work supporting science in another special school in Dursley. We talked through what they wanted and needed much of which I was able to provide there and then to support. It's nice to know my hard work is appreciate is 2 parts of the country.
7. Going to the US of A and Canada in the summer holidays was a great experience and a very relaxing break. Go to Niagara Falls it is the most amazing place (Canada side obviously)
8. Respect from SLT....something I was struggling to gain but was never sure why. It took me to hand in my notice for them to realise quite what I was doing and what they were losing. It should not have come to that and serves as a warning to any current or potential SLT, don't forget how hard people work in the background to keep a school running day to day, if you do you might lose a good thing.
9. Mentoring 2 student teachers has been very rewarding for me this year and successful. I feel as if it affirmed the fact that I knew what I was doing and was in a position to help them with their individual needs.
10. Being me and being OK with that. Not much to add here, but I sure feel better.
11. Growing my hair has been a long drawn out challenge and seems silly listed here but the number of times I nearly gave in and went in for the 'crop.' Right now I have a very short bob like mess....some way to go yet!
12. Taking my meds and feeling better. Now my meds are sorted out dosage wise and timing wise I feel so much better in myself. I'm hoping to come off of them slowly as next year progresses but with the new job and house move I'm concerned about doing too much too soon. I intend to keep a positive diary about good things that happen everyday to try and focus on the positive and not get down about things.
13. My friend's baby son. He is awesome and has removed a lot of my baby fear. For a while I was scared to even hold a small baby so being around him has really helped. Silly, but at nearly 32 quite important.....
14 Hopes for 2014 (harder this!)
1. Blog more! In my new role I will likely have lots more to blog about whilst continuing my interest in all things SEN and BESD. As a 2i/c science I am going to be working with less experienced staff to bring them on as well as develop new Key Stage 3 science curriculum ready for September - busy times!
2. Meet up with Twitter friends including @kohlmand who is local to me and @Gwenelope cus we said we really should.
3. Become a successful leader in my new role. This is going to take time and I know I am going to make mistakes at times. That's OK, I'm not perfect! I'm learning this slowly but really want to make a success of this new job.
4. Decorate the house without going broke! Obvious but let's see....the o/h has plans for expensive kitchens and taking walls down :)
5. Get fit and slim...yeah again. Might stand more of a chance as there is a gym on site at my new school.
6. Be published somewhere as me, not the pseudonym. The ASE approaching me about using my ideas on their website has given me confidence in what I am doing online and I really hope that some opportunities might come my way to be published someday.
7. Eat better...she says whilst munching on Maltesers. Let's get rid of all the Christmas goodies first but I might try a bit of this 5-2 diet along with the Hairy Dieters books (again if you want low calorie tasty food the recipes in those are fab!)
8. Go to more Teachmeets, maybe even present. I need to get to more Teachmeets locally this year and do some local networking. I think this will be easier now I am back in the mainstream sector....people might be more willing to listen/talk.
9. Use my camera properly including the manual mode. Now I have a full DSLR camera I need slowly learn how to use it properly. It's great fun trying out different things.
10. Carry on with #TwitterCoaching with @Mat6453. #TwitterCoaching was started by @ASTsupportAAli and seems to be a great success. Mat and I have chatted about the new role and intend to chat more once I've got a handle of what I'm doing. It's nice to chat to someone impartial and professional who knows what you're going through.
11. Use the ideas from Twitter and everywhere else stored in Dropbox and Pocket. I've got lots of ideas stored away which I want to try. Foldables being right at the top of the list.
12. iPad. I get one of these gadgets with my new role and need some lessons in how it can help me both in organisation, apps and in the classroom. 1 device in the classroom limits the options but I want to explore what it can do and have fun doing it.
13. Go to more concerts and theatre because we all need a bit of culture in our lives. I love watching concerts as I play in them it's great to see it from the other side.
14. Don't want to jinx it but....who knows what might happen next year?! After all we have bought a house.... ;)
Happy New Year to readers new and old.
I really hope to pick up my blogging and 'join in' more next year. #ASEChat has also been neglected along with this blog but I look forward to 'working with' you all in the New Year. For now, there are guests arriving in T-minus 3 hours....best get cooking and cleaning :)
x
So here is my bash at #Nurture1314 as suggested by @ChocoTzar...I did one last year so I guess a good place to start is there....with the things I said I would do.
Fit and slim....no (failed due to a long standing back issue)
Care less about others and what they think......check. For now at least.
Worry less and be a leader....getting there
Enjoy vegetables....work in progress
Find a NSEW Speaker.....done!
Holiday.....check!
Balance better.....hope to in the new role
Have faith....check!
Attend a teachmeet....oh yes!
Career thoughts.....a plan is formulating
Hobbies....yes!
Besties....not really but we talk more on the phone
CSciTeach......yes!
So I had a reasonably successful 2013 it would appear, I set out to achieve some things and managed 8 completely! I'm quite pleased really, having got lost in the mire of a difficult school in a difficult situation it was totally lost on me what I have actually achieved. I sit here with a smile ready to do it all over again.
So here goes the lists:
13 Great things in 2013 in no particular chronological order
1. Buying a house! Oh yes we did! Not moved in yet but we should be completing and exchanging in the next few weeks. It's a proper project house which will be fun. Can't wait to get painting!
2. Accepting a new challenge. After nearly 4 years working in the SEN sector which I have absolutely loved and would recommend to anyone (if you want to know whether you can teach or not, work in a BESD school - they vote with their feet!) it was time to say goodbye and accept a new challenge. I was approached by a mainstream school head of science who I know well who was desperate for a 2i/c who could do the job. She said did I fancy it and I said yes without too much hesitation. It's going to be a real challenge to adjust back into mainstream life (lots of kids, big classes, girls, marking lots) but I think it will be worth it and is the right decision for me to move into the future.
3.Ofsted - back in January I was Ofsteded all by myself as they came and did a subject survey of science at my school. Terrifying but rewarding for me. I was told I, and the department was good with outstanding features and the work I did would be featured in Ofsted's national review of science in special schools. A year down the line and I have seen no report however I blogged about the experience at the time so you can read for yourselves.
4. CSciTeach and ASE website. As a result of going to the ASE Conference in January I applied for CSciTeach though was not sure I would get it....but I did! I've just filled in my paperwork in order to keep it so fingers crossed. My new role will also provide plenty of evidence for this once I get started! I was also contacted by the ASE about some of my literacy blog being used on their website in the new members area....still waiting to hear about this but it is happening!
5. Teachmeet Clevedon - was awesome! It was great to see so many people there and meet many twitter people face to face. Can't wait to see @hrogerson, @KDWScience @lizdudley and many others again. On top of that the keynote was delivered by @HYWEL_ROBERTS who is brilliant, if you haven't read his 'Ooops' book yet where have you been?!?!?
6. Working with another school was a success this year. Through the academy chain of my special school I did some work supporting science in another special school in Dursley. We talked through what they wanted and needed much of which I was able to provide there and then to support. It's nice to know my hard work is appreciate is 2 parts of the country.
7. Going to the US of A and Canada in the summer holidays was a great experience and a very relaxing break. Go to Niagara Falls it is the most amazing place (Canada side obviously)
8. Respect from SLT....something I was struggling to gain but was never sure why. It took me to hand in my notice for them to realise quite what I was doing and what they were losing. It should not have come to that and serves as a warning to any current or potential SLT, don't forget how hard people work in the background to keep a school running day to day, if you do you might lose a good thing.
9. Mentoring 2 student teachers has been very rewarding for me this year and successful. I feel as if it affirmed the fact that I knew what I was doing and was in a position to help them with their individual needs.
10. Being me and being OK with that. Not much to add here, but I sure feel better.
11. Growing my hair has been a long drawn out challenge and seems silly listed here but the number of times I nearly gave in and went in for the 'crop.' Right now I have a very short bob like mess....some way to go yet!
12. Taking my meds and feeling better. Now my meds are sorted out dosage wise and timing wise I feel so much better in myself. I'm hoping to come off of them slowly as next year progresses but with the new job and house move I'm concerned about doing too much too soon. I intend to keep a positive diary about good things that happen everyday to try and focus on the positive and not get down about things.
13. My friend's baby son. He is awesome and has removed a lot of my baby fear. For a while I was scared to even hold a small baby so being around him has really helped. Silly, but at nearly 32 quite important.....
14 Hopes for 2014 (harder this!)
1. Blog more! In my new role I will likely have lots more to blog about whilst continuing my interest in all things SEN and BESD. As a 2i/c science I am going to be working with less experienced staff to bring them on as well as develop new Key Stage 3 science curriculum ready for September - busy times!
2. Meet up with Twitter friends including @kohlmand who is local to me and @Gwenelope cus we said we really should.
3. Become a successful leader in my new role. This is going to take time and I know I am going to make mistakes at times. That's OK, I'm not perfect! I'm learning this slowly but really want to make a success of this new job.
4. Decorate the house without going broke! Obvious but let's see....the o/h has plans for expensive kitchens and taking walls down :)
5. Get fit and slim...yeah again. Might stand more of a chance as there is a gym on site at my new school.
6. Be published somewhere as me, not the pseudonym. The ASE approaching me about using my ideas on their website has given me confidence in what I am doing online and I really hope that some opportunities might come my way to be published someday.
7. Eat better...she says whilst munching on Maltesers. Let's get rid of all the Christmas goodies first but I might try a bit of this 5-2 diet along with the Hairy Dieters books (again if you want low calorie tasty food the recipes in those are fab!)
8. Go to more Teachmeets, maybe even present. I need to get to more Teachmeets locally this year and do some local networking. I think this will be easier now I am back in the mainstream sector....people might be more willing to listen/talk.
9. Use my camera properly including the manual mode. Now I have a full DSLR camera I need slowly learn how to use it properly. It's great fun trying out different things.
10. Carry on with #TwitterCoaching with @Mat6453. #TwitterCoaching was started by @ASTsupportAAli and seems to be a great success. Mat and I have chatted about the new role and intend to chat more once I've got a handle of what I'm doing. It's nice to chat to someone impartial and professional who knows what you're going through.
11. Use the ideas from Twitter and everywhere else stored in Dropbox and Pocket. I've got lots of ideas stored away which I want to try. Foldables being right at the top of the list.
12. iPad. I get one of these gadgets with my new role and need some lessons in how it can help me both in organisation, apps and in the classroom. 1 device in the classroom limits the options but I want to explore what it can do and have fun doing it.
13. Go to more concerts and theatre because we all need a bit of culture in our lives. I love watching concerts as I play in them it's great to see it from the other side.
14. Don't want to jinx it but....who knows what might happen next year?! After all we have bought a house.... ;)
Happy New Year to readers new and old.
I really hope to pick up my blogging and 'join in' more next year. #ASEChat has also been neglected along with this blog but I look forward to 'working with' you all in the New Year. For now, there are guests arriving in T-minus 3 hours....best get cooking and cleaning :)
x
Friday, 1 November 2013
Half term bloggyness
Today heralds the end of half term. The weekend will be a normal weekend. Time with my partner on Saturday and planning/prep for the working week on Sunday.
This half term I have worked for a day and a half. I could've done an awful lot more but to be honest I was so shattered at the end of last week I would be doing my body a disservice if I had tried. I've prepared the documents for Year 11 coursework and marked all the books. I have some ideas in mind because we are expecting the 'big O' any day once we go back. Let them come I say.
Arrogant? Well no. I've just realised a few things over the last few weeks. I've realised that I am an awful lot better at my job then I think I am. That I have ideas, good ideas that are worth speaking about to colleagues and others and that said colleagues respect me far more than I thought.
What has prompted this, well some observation feedback from my deputy head which, though contentious at points was very constructive and pointed out that I was doing myself down (although if I hear the phrase 'but Ofsted want' again I might kill him!!)
Also the input of the Twitter family of teachers supporting me through some difficult times. Many of you are aware how difficult my current situation has become and my increasing want to leave for pastures new. Well I am departing, at Christmas. This is amazing and awfully sad at the same time. I love the boys I teach, they are very special for a lot of reasons but for the first time in a while I have to put myself first.
I'm feeling quite scared about the new role but massively excited. It's back in mainstream, second in the science department. I don't know much more as I write. The atmosphere at the school seems massively positive and I am really looking forward to being part of it. I'm a bit scared about what is going to be asked of me, the marking, teaching big classes again which include teenage girls (heaven forbid) but its going to be great. I'm going to make the role my own and I'm going to take any hints and tips that come my way about leadership.
I am purposely avoiding the issues of half term for education. QTS or no QTS? and the GCSE Reforms. That said here is my small contributon
I had Mr Gove lighting up my TV back on Wednesday. It was mortifying and I did not last long, qudos to the twitter commentary! Frankly the debate was advertising for free schools and defense of independent ones. Nothing to do with whether there is any benefit of QTS or not. What I see is that teachers need to be 'trained' - BEd, PGCE, TeachFirst....whatever, but training about children, classroom management, behaviour management and all that stuff that allows us to do our jobs effectively. All QTS seems to do is confirm that you have enough basic Literacy and Numeracy to pass the QTS tests, it does not measure your ability to teach children which I find a bit worrying. The claim the government were trying to make about teachers without QTS losing their jobs is invalid. Surely if they are great teachers they would get through QTS easily and would simply 'work towards' it, whatever 'it' is.
As for the GCSE reforms, I haven't even looked at the moment. It all feels too much too fast without a safety net. There are real issues around science education mainly surrounding how you assess practical work, how much as a percentage this should be and its place in the GCSE. There are also issues with moving concepts down from A-Level into the GCSE which speaking as a teacher of SEND children are going to be challenging. Many of the children I teach are immature and lacking in basic literacy skills. They struggle with science, the technical language is a big barrier so if it is going to be loaded with more they won't be able to access it. Surely with no alternative qualification seemingly valued these children which are found both in special schools and mainstream are being 'priced out' of the GCSE market.
For now I am trying to keep my head above water and concentrate on myself and my future in a new role. I really hope that we see more opposition to these silly government ideas soon, over to you Tristram Hunt.
This half term I have worked for a day and a half. I could've done an awful lot more but to be honest I was so shattered at the end of last week I would be doing my body a disservice if I had tried. I've prepared the documents for Year 11 coursework and marked all the books. I have some ideas in mind because we are expecting the 'big O' any day once we go back. Let them come I say.
Arrogant? Well no. I've just realised a few things over the last few weeks. I've realised that I am an awful lot better at my job then I think I am. That I have ideas, good ideas that are worth speaking about to colleagues and others and that said colleagues respect me far more than I thought.
What has prompted this, well some observation feedback from my deputy head which, though contentious at points was very constructive and pointed out that I was doing myself down (although if I hear the phrase 'but Ofsted want' again I might kill him!!)
Also the input of the Twitter family of teachers supporting me through some difficult times. Many of you are aware how difficult my current situation has become and my increasing want to leave for pastures new. Well I am departing, at Christmas. This is amazing and awfully sad at the same time. I love the boys I teach, they are very special for a lot of reasons but for the first time in a while I have to put myself first.
I'm feeling quite scared about the new role but massively excited. It's back in mainstream, second in the science department. I don't know much more as I write. The atmosphere at the school seems massively positive and I am really looking forward to being part of it. I'm a bit scared about what is going to be asked of me, the marking, teaching big classes again which include teenage girls (heaven forbid) but its going to be great. I'm going to make the role my own and I'm going to take any hints and tips that come my way about leadership.
I am purposely avoiding the issues of half term for education. QTS or no QTS? and the GCSE Reforms. That said here is my small contributon
I had Mr Gove lighting up my TV back on Wednesday. It was mortifying and I did not last long, qudos to the twitter commentary! Frankly the debate was advertising for free schools and defense of independent ones. Nothing to do with whether there is any benefit of QTS or not. What I see is that teachers need to be 'trained' - BEd, PGCE, TeachFirst....whatever, but training about children, classroom management, behaviour management and all that stuff that allows us to do our jobs effectively. All QTS seems to do is confirm that you have enough basic Literacy and Numeracy to pass the QTS tests, it does not measure your ability to teach children which I find a bit worrying. The claim the government were trying to make about teachers without QTS losing their jobs is invalid. Surely if they are great teachers they would get through QTS easily and would simply 'work towards' it, whatever 'it' is.
As for the GCSE reforms, I haven't even looked at the moment. It all feels too much too fast without a safety net. There are real issues around science education mainly surrounding how you assess practical work, how much as a percentage this should be and its place in the GCSE. There are also issues with moving concepts down from A-Level into the GCSE which speaking as a teacher of SEND children are going to be challenging. Many of the children I teach are immature and lacking in basic literacy skills. They struggle with science, the technical language is a big barrier so if it is going to be loaded with more they won't be able to access it. Surely with no alternative qualification seemingly valued these children which are found both in special schools and mainstream are being 'priced out' of the GCSE market.
For now I am trying to keep my head above water and concentrate on myself and my future in a new role. I really hope that we see more opposition to these silly government ideas soon, over to you Tristram Hunt.
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
#blogsync September 'The Purpose of Education' Doors Open - Eyes Open
This post forms part of @Edutronic_Net 's #blogsync project. The rest of the posts for this topic can be found here
Fundamentally, as I was musing about this topic, something I feel really strongly about as a teacher of boys with Behavioural, Emotional and Social Difficulties. I basically wanted to write 2 words. Doors Open.....but then Sue Cowley beat me to it here with her brilliant post. Darn it!
I cannot begin to tell you how important this is. We battle every single day to keep as many doors, windows and other metaphorical openings as wide open as possible for our kids for as long as possible despite the fact a lot of them are battling to kick them as firmly shut they can. We battle to open these doors further by improving basic literacy and numeracy, things that should have been done long before they got to secondary school. We fight with them for those C grades so they don't have to resit GCSEs at college when they are actually doing something they want to do.
We put up with the swearing and hitting and kicking as they grow up, as we know, in the most part by the time they get to year 11 they will have stopped. We spend time putting boundaries in place and saying no, working on teamwork and cooperation because these skills are important for the future.
The kids I teach are clueless in the most part. They do not understand why they have to keep these doors open and most do not have parents able to explain to them. They still believe even now that a life on benefits is a possibility so why work?? Maybe there is a bit of a case for 'Eyes Open' here too - showing our kids what is possible and what is not. Giving them ambition and ways to achieve.
We as a school, as professionals, have to improve their aspirations, their confidence and their self worth before they can even start achieving. I don't really want to reference Bloom's taxonomy and Maslow's Heirarchy of Need but you get the idea. If these kids are not provided the basics - from a cup of tea and some toast or some deodorant to help with their reading then they will never ever be able to keep their doors open.
This is what we do. This is why education is important. It's not just about those that sail through it and out of the gates with all their certificates. For me its about the ones you drag through it kicking and screaming who in front of your eyes morph into pretty decent human beings with a few certificates but a massive sense of pride. That's who I do it for and that is what gets me out of bed in the morning.
Fundamentally, as I was musing about this topic, something I feel really strongly about as a teacher of boys with Behavioural, Emotional and Social Difficulties. I basically wanted to write 2 words. Doors Open.....but then Sue Cowley beat me to it here with her brilliant post. Darn it!
I cannot begin to tell you how important this is. We battle every single day to keep as many doors, windows and other metaphorical openings as wide open as possible for our kids for as long as possible despite the fact a lot of them are battling to kick them as firmly shut they can. We battle to open these doors further by improving basic literacy and numeracy, things that should have been done long before they got to secondary school. We fight with them for those C grades so they don't have to resit GCSEs at college when they are actually doing something they want to do.
We put up with the swearing and hitting and kicking as they grow up, as we know, in the most part by the time they get to year 11 they will have stopped. We spend time putting boundaries in place and saying no, working on teamwork and cooperation because these skills are important for the future.
The kids I teach are clueless in the most part. They do not understand why they have to keep these doors open and most do not have parents able to explain to them. They still believe even now that a life on benefits is a possibility so why work?? Maybe there is a bit of a case for 'Eyes Open' here too - showing our kids what is possible and what is not. Giving them ambition and ways to achieve.
We as a school, as professionals, have to improve their aspirations, their confidence and their self worth before they can even start achieving. I don't really want to reference Bloom's taxonomy and Maslow's Heirarchy of Need but you get the idea. If these kids are not provided the basics - from a cup of tea and some toast or some deodorant to help with their reading then they will never ever be able to keep their doors open.
This is what we do. This is why education is important. It's not just about those that sail through it and out of the gates with all their certificates. For me its about the ones you drag through it kicking and screaming who in front of your eyes morph into pretty decent human beings with a few certificates but a massive sense of pride. That's who I do it for and that is what gets me out of bed in the morning.
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